


Requiem for a Dream

by frantic65



Series: Prelude to Love [9]
Category: Brokeback Mountain (2005)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-27
Updated: 2015-01-27
Packaged: 2018-03-09 06:48:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3240242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frantic65/pseuds/frantic65
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Events beyond his control force Jack to face the cold reality of mortality</p>
            </blockquote>





	Requiem for a Dream

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Allusions to Major Character Death

Jack slammed through the double doors of the emergency room, ignoring the curious stares of the patients and their families who were waiting to be assisted by the medical staff at University Hospital.

He rushed to the receptionist’s desk, pushing aside several people who had been standing in line to check in.

“Ennis Del Mar!” he shouted into the face of the woman behind the desk. “Where is he?”

“Jack—“ His assistant, Jonas, ran up behind him, grabbing him by the arms, shooting an apologetic glance at the startled secretary and annoyed people Jack had displaced. “You need to calm down." Jonas tried to pull Jack to the side, allowing the line to resume in its original order. 

“Let me go, Jonas. I need to get to Ennis.” Jack shoved Jonas roughly, heading again for the admittance desk, his single-minded purpose to get to his injured partner.

“Jack,” Jonas tried again, this time gripping Jack’s arms tightly, forcing him to pay attention. “If you continue to make a scene, you will end up being removed by security, and then you won’t be able to see Ennis at all.”

For a moment it looked as though Jack wouldn’t listen, then his shoulders drooped and he stopped struggling.

“I’ll get you in to see him, I swear.” Jonas promised, maintaining eye contact to make sure Jack was listening. “But you have to let me do what I am paid to do, and that means you’ll have to be patient a little while longer.”

“Jonas,” Jack’s voice was raspy, his eyes red-rimmed and weary. “Please…whatever it takes, I can’t stand the not knowing. I need to touch him, watch him breath...with my own eyes."

Jonas nodded in understanding, escorting Jack to one of the ugly and uncomfortable chairs in a corner off by itself. “Stay here." He put his hand up as Jack started to protest. 

"Give me a few minutes. I’ve got some strings I can try to pull while we wait for the courier to bring the proper paperwork from the apartment."

Jack slumped down in the chair, head in his hands, feeling nothing but despair and dread, even as he tried to tell himself that Ennis would be fine. There was no other option, no other outcome that he could even consider.

He thought back to the last time he'd seen Ennis. It was at the airport two weeks ago, when Jack had left for a month long tour as guest hornist with the Canadian Brass, a gig he had decided to take during his summer break from teaching at Juilliard.

Jack usually flew out of JFK, but a screw-up in the schedule had him leaving from Newark International in New Jersey. Since Ennis and Julian were both mentoring at a Young Musicians Day Camp at Princeton University for a few weeks, it had made sense for them to drop Jack off on the way. 

Jack had been in a sour mood, annoyed that Ennis had invited Julian to fill in at the day camp, when one of the other instructors had had a family emergency and cancelled at the last minute. Ennis had told him to stop acting like a jealous wife, which had escalated into the most serious and vicious argument they'd had in their entire relationship.

By the time they reached the airport, nothing had been settled between them, with Jack refusing to let Ennis do more than drop him off at the terminal, offering him a stiff hug, and a cold brush of the lips. 

"Call me." Ennis had whispered in his ear as Jack pulled away, hefting his messenger bag over his shoulder. 

"I mean it, Jack." He had shouted after Jack's quickly retreating back, hesitating on the pavement for a moment until Julian had reached over to honk the horn, and airport security had advised him to move his vehicle immediately or he'd get fined. 

Jack had finally turned around as he reached the check-in line, but it was too late. 

Ennis was gone, and Jack hadn't bothered to return any of his calls.

Now, all Jack could do was lean his head back against the hard, unforgiving surface of the wall, pressing his palms into his eyes so roughly he made them ache. All he knew was the precious little information a distraught Julian had relayed via a frantic phone call while a siren wailed in the background. 

They had been walking down Witherspoon Street in downtown Princeton, coming back from dinner and drinks at The Alchemist and Barrister, when a taxi had suddenly veered onto the sidewalk, slamming into several pedestrians and throwing Ennis against a plate glass shop window. 

Jack had listened in horror, backstage at some noisy college campus in Vancouver, a sound like a freight train rising in his ears as Julian kept repeating, "He'll be okay, Jack, he'll be okay" until Jack blindly handed the phone to a pale and shaken-looking Jonas with a terse, "Get the details and book a flight." 

Jonas had come through as always, and less than eight hours later, here he was, sitting in the fucking waiting room, while Ennis could be....well...his mind refused to wander too far into the possibilities. 

He leaned forward with his hands on his knees, a sudden feeling of nausea descending on him as his imagination started to run away with him; visions of happier times flooding his mind, threatening to strip him of what little self-control he had managed to find so far.

The first time they'd kissed. 

It had been during the **Emerging Young Artist's Series** which was where they had met. It had certainly not been a case of love at first sight, but even when it seemed they would constantly rub each other the wrong way, there had been no denying the physical attraction that flared between them.

It had smoldered beneath the surface of the uneasy truce they had declared over coffee one day after a particularly uncomfortable dress rehearsal. They had admitted that for the good of the program, they would try to keep an open mind about their differences, perhaps even learn to be friends.

The night of the concert was the most important night of Jack's young career. He had no doubts he would perform well, but he was unaccustomed to the case of nerves he had developed just before the concert's start. Ennis had knocked on his dressing room door to wish him luck, taken one look at his face, and quickly stepped inside, locking the door behind him. 

"Are you okay?" He'd asked with some concern, the uncertainty shadowing Jack's face surprising him based on the normally confident exterior he showed to the world. 

Jack had let out a nervous bark of a laugh, pacing restlessly across the short length of the dressing room. "I think it finally hit me that I'm playing with the fucking New York Philharmonic in about fifteen minutes, in the most important performance of my goddamn life, and I can barely breathe, let alone remember phrasing, notes, and rhythms." He looked at Ennis in a panic stricken haze. "I don't think I can do this, Ennis. I truly don't."

Ennis put out a hand and stopped Jack's pacing, grabbing on tight to his arms, and pulling him closer, looking into his face with an expression that caused Jack's heart to pound with something quite different than fear. He put a finger to Jack's lips and whispered, "Hush now, Jack Twist. You are someone very special, and don't ever let anyone tell you or make you feel anything different." 

Then he'd leaned in and kissed him, softly but intensely. No open mouths, no tongues...just two people finding comfort in each other...and maybe in time something more. They pulled apart quickly, time was not on their side, but the happiness in Jack's soul stayed until his final curtain call to a standing ovation, matching the pride in Ennis's eyes that lasted far into the after concert celebration. 

"Jack." He heard his name called from a distance, and for a moment he was confused. What was Ennis doing in Vancouver? He should be in Princeton...with Julian. 

"Jack." The voice was more insistent this time, and as he opened his eyes, he realized it wasn't Ennis's voice at all, just as the hand that gently shook his shoulder belonged to someone else as well. 

Suddenly, he was completely awake and alert, jumping to his feet as he saw Jonas and Julian staring at him. Their expressions caused something toxic and bitter to start to coil restlessly in his stomach, threatening to spew forth in a stream of bile unless he got some answers from them fucking now. 

"What is it?" He snapped at them. Fists clenched and ready to fight his way to Ennis's side if they didn't move in a direction that would take him to Ennis, no more waiting on the sidelines while bureaucratic red tape stood between him and his life. Because Jack was under no illusion; without Ennis Del Mar he was as good as a corpse, a hollow shell that had once answered to the name of Jack Twist. 

"Come with us, Jack." Jonas answered, putting an arm around his shoulder and guiding him past the double doors that led to a bank of elevators. His eyes couldn't quite meet Jack's. "The news isn't very good, I'm afraid." 

Jack held back a moan at Jonas's words, vaguely aware that Julian had tears in his eyes as they stepped onto the nearest elevator. 

They were alone in the elevator, and Jack turned to Jonas, his voice hoarse as he ordered. "Tell me." 

Jonas blinked, and nervously rolled his lips. "There wasn't a lot of internal injuries, or broken bones. Just a dislocated shoulder, and a broken wrist."

"But..." Jack spoke woodenly, his heart feeling as though it were being crushed in his chest. 

"But, when he was thrown into the window...his head..." Jonas's voice trailed off, then he cleared his throat and continued. "There was massive head trauma, and the doctor's are saying there's no brain activity at all. He's being kept alive on a respirator right now."

"Oh God!" Jack whispered, and would have collapsed to his knees without Julian and Jonas to hold him up. "This can't be happening. He's just...it's just a coma...people wake up from comas all the time...his brain just needs time to heal...brain injuries are very complicated. He can't be..." He couldn't even bring himself to say the words. 

Jonas held him closer as the elevator slowed, a whispered, "I'm so sorry, Jack" was all he had time to say before the doors opened. 

"I want to see him." Jack said, finding strength from somewhere deep inside to stand on his own power again. He would not walk into Ennis's hospital room a broken man, Ennis would expect so much more from him. And he was not about to admit defeat so easily, not without seeing the proof with his own eyes. Ennis needed to know his partner was at his side, no matter what the outcome, no matter how much longer they had together. 

Jonas led him into a glass-walled room, right in front of the ICU nurse's station, waving off anyone who approached them. "Do you want me to stay with you?" Jonas murmured in his ear, not seeming to be surprised when Jack shook his head 'no'. "I'll wait for you right outside the door." He said, squeezing Jack's shoulder tightly. 

Jack didn't acknowledge the words or the action, his entire attention focused on the figure lying so still on the bed before him. Tubes and wires surrounded him like a nest of snakes. A ventilator hissed ominously from somewhere near the bed, where other machines beeped and chimed, appearing for all the world to be innocuous and helpful.

His breath caught in a painful gasp as he approached Ennis, head swathed in white bandages on one side, completely untouched on the other. Jack reached out a shaky hand, fingers outstretched, to gently brush back the blond curls that lay tangled across his forehead. 

Aside from the bandages, and the tubes in his nose and mouth, there was no other outward sign of the horrible trauma Ennis had sustained. There were no scrapes or bruising to mar his face, and no sign of pain or discomfort in his expression. He looked...peaceful...and empty. Jack shuddered as the words crossed his mind, and he moved closer to Ennis, pressing a kiss to his pale cheek, nose wrinkling at the antiseptic smell that completely masked Ennis's familiar and comforting scent.

"Hey, Ennis. I'm here." Jack whispered in a shaky voice, fingers moving slowly from Ennis's hair to cup his cheek before moving down to entwine with his fingers lying limply on the white hospital sheets, so different from the dark blue silk sheets they had at home. Dark blue silk sheets that Ennis so loved to see framing Jack's naked body, dark blue silk sheets that Jack loved to grab in his fists whenever Ennis was deep inside of him, filling him...something that Jack feared he would never experience again. 

Jack sat heavily on the chair that had been pulled next to the bed, the reality of a future without Ennis in it suddenly overwhelming him in its cruelty...and finality. He leaned his elbows on the bed next to Ennis, clasping his hand in both of his, bringing their joined flesh to his face, where his tears silently soaked their skin.

At some point, Julian sat down silently in a chair in the corner of the room, head in his hands not even trying to find words of comfort that would mean nothing right now to the man who had once seemed to have everything, and now appeared to have lost the one thing that meant more to him than all his fame and success combined. 

Jonas finally came over and placed his hand on Jack's shoulder, quietly telling him that the doctor needed to speak with him. Jack nodded numbly, standing stiffly and bending over to kiss Ennis's forehead quickly several times. "Be right back, maestro." 

He looked over at Julian, gesturing with his head that he should take his place next to Ennis. "I don't want him to feel like he's alone, Julian. Take his hand and talk to him while I'm gone."

Julian nodded without speaking, doing as Jack requested with a sad smile, so unlike his usual cynical smirk. 

Jack stood and listened without expression as the neurologist introduced himself and began to spout medical terminology that all amounted to one cold, hard fact. Ennis was brain dead; the force of the blow from his head hitting the window was so severe, it was doubtful he'd even known what happened. He hadn't suffered, he wasn't presently in any pain, but the man that Jack had loved so passionately and so fiercely; the man who had loved him so patiently and so completely in return, was never going to wake up. 

The respirator would keep his organs alive, the IV's would provide nutrients to his body, but the essence of Jack's lover and life partner was gone forever. The doctor started to discuss the process when a patient had an organ donor card as Ennis had, but Jack held up his hand, palm forward, letting the doctor know their conversation was officially over for now.

He and Ennis had discussed this possibility together, conceding that because they both travelled extensively in their careers, they needed to be prepared and totally aware of each other's wishes in case tragedy struck. Jack had resisted at first, letting Ennis know how morbid he found the subject, but Ennis had persisted, and Jack had finally agreed, thinking that death was so far in their futures, it would be better to get the sordid details over with and move on with the next fifty or so years of their lives.

So, as he sat once more at Ennis's side, he knew that Ennis did not want to be kept alive by artificial means. He knew that he wanted as many people to benefit from whatever pieces of him were able to be harvested, and he knew that they had been so very lucky to have found each other when they did, to have been given the time together they'd had, drawn together by a love for music that grew into the deepest bond of love two people could share. 

Jack carefully crawled into the hospital bed with Ennis, mindful of tubes and leads, but needing to hold him in his arms one last time before their song was officially over. Jack shut his eyes and tried to pretend they were home alone in their bed, and that this was all just some horrible nightmare. 

"Jack?" The voice was soft and masculine, and familiar. Jack frowned as he struggled to place the voice and open his eyes. "Jack, you need to wake up now." The voice grew more demanding, and Jack tried harder to obey. "Please, Jack. Open your eyes." 

What? Jack felt nothing but confusion, which only grew as he tried to move his hands and found that he was somehow being restrained. He started to panic as the last memory he had flashed behind his eyes. 

Ennis! He had crawled into the hospital bed with Ennis, needing to be close to him for one last time because Ennis was....

"Jack?" The voice was louder, hurting his ears, causing him to wince in pain. "Oh shit! Jack?" The sound moved away briefly. "Nurse! Nurse, I think he's waking up!" 

Jack opened his eyes and hissed as a sensation like a hundred tiny needles pierced his brain at the brightness that surrounded him. He closed them, trying to lift his hands up again to protect his eyes, but he was fastened down tight. 

"Don't fight, Jack!" The voice sounded worried, and Jack stopped because he knew he didn't want to scare the owner of that voice. "The doctor is on his way. You're going to be okay, just be patient a minute longer." 

Jack felt a warm hand touch his cheek, and he leaned into it as best he could, trying again to open his eyes, this time letting in just the smallest glimmer of light. He had to see. He had to know why that voice and that touch felt so much like Ennis. Which should have been impossible; or a figment of his imagination. 

Maybe he'd just gone crazy; lost his shit over Ennis and now was tied down in some psych ward somewhere. Doomed to hear Ennis's voice forever, but unable to see him or even touch him anymore. 

Life was too fucking cruel for words.

But the hand had moved to stroke his hair, and the feel of lips ghosting across his forehead was too real to be a trick of a fractured imagination. He struggled again to get his eyes to open and focus.

"Jack." The voice was soothing now, calmer and more settled. "That's my boy. Don't move too much until the doctor checks you out."

That was it; his eyes were going to fucking open for real this time, no matter how much it hurt.

He blinked a few times and then forced himself to try to focus through the intense brightness that threatened to overwhelm him. He felt a hand grip his firmly, and he turned his head in that direction so slowly he may as well have been encased in drying cement. He squinted at the figure standing next to the bed, the light framing blond, messy hair like a halo, reminding Jack of a stained glass angel he had seen once in a church in Italy. It was Ennis, apparently his new guardian and protector presumably from beyond the grave. 

"Dead." He croaked weakly. Watching Guardian Angel Ennis's smile dim a little as he realized what Jack had said. 

"Dead? No Jack, you're not dead." He leaned down to kiss Jack's dry lips.

Jack tried again, voice still sounding rusty. "No. You're dead." Clenching his hands into fists at the effort it took to speak.

"Well, you scared me half to death, but I'm still breathing." Ennis tried to joke, gently pulling Jack's fisted hand open and entwining their fingers together.

Jack closed his eyes, exhausted by the turn of events. If he could trust that his mind wasn't lying to him, and Ennis really was here, alive and well, then what the hell had happened to him? 

The doctor came in and Jack concentrated on answering the questions asked, and tracking the doctor's finger as he moved it from one side of Jack's head to the other. He appeared to be pleased at Jack's responses, and Jack saw a flicker of relief pass across Ennis's face.

Jack tried to stay awake to hear what the doctor had to say, but he felt the darkness reaching for him again. He panicked briefly, but then felt Ennis's fingers find his again, and he let himself drift off gratefully.

"Hey." Ennis looked up from where he had his head pillowed on his arms next to Jack's hand. Jack reached his fingers over and realized as he let them slip through Ennis's hair that he was no longer restrained.

"Hey there, how are you feeling?" Ennis asked with a smile, obviously pleased to see him awake again.

"Confused." Jack answered honestly, although his head was pounding like the worse hangover he'd ever had in his life. 

Ennis looked slightly concerned. "Confused about what?"

"What---?" Jack gestured to the hospital bed.

"What happened to you?" Ennis offered, and Jack nodded, then winced at the pain. "Do you need something for the pain?" 

"Not yet." Jack didn't want to dull his slowly returning senses until he had a grasp of what was going on. 

"What's the last thing you remember?" Ennis asked cautiously, no doubt thinking back to Jack's comment when he first woke up earlier.

Jack dropped his hand from Ennis's hair, where he had been playing with the strands restlessly, to grip the nape of his neck, afraid that if he let go, Ennis might simply disappear. 

"You were hit by a car while you were in Princeton." Jack recounted blankly, the feeling of despair starting to come back with a vengeance. "They told me you'd had a severe head trauma, and would never wake up. Christ, they were talking about organ donation!" He felt his vision blur from unshed tears, his fingers convulsively tangling once again in Ennis's hair.

"Hey, hey, I'm right here." Ennis murmured, cupping Jack's face and leaning in to kiss him. "And I'm fine. You were in the middle of a performance when the stage collapsed in Vancouver. I was still in Princeton, but I flew here to be with you as soon as I got word of the accident. What you thought you experienced was just a horrible nightmare or side-effect of your concussion; I swear."

Jack rubbed his cheek against Ennis's fingers, his aching brain finally beginning to believe that he had been fooled by his subconscious into thinking Ennis had been fatally injured. The proof was right here, with Ennis at his side, warm and alive and worried about him. 

Jack looked into his concerned eyes, and realized he had started to take this man and their relationship terribly for granted. He had acted like a jealous child for the past few weeks, blaming Ennis for offering what was really just a good opportunity to Julian because he was a friend, not for any romantic reasons. 

Jack could have just as easily been offered the Princeton gig, but he had already committed to the tour. A tour, he thought guiltily, he had accepted without discussing it with Ennis first. If he had, maybe they could have looked into booking into an alternate program together instead from the start.

"I'm sorry, Ennis." Jack blurted out, realizing that if his nightmare reality had been true, then he would have never had the opportunity to apologize for treating Ennis so badly over the past few weeks. Not returning his calls, or trying to keep in touch in any way, just because he was jealous of Julian. Jack knew Ennis loved Julian as a friend, nothing more, and had never put him above Jack...ever. 

"I should have told you how I felt about your going to Princeton with Julian, instead of just giving you the silent treatment." He swallowed hard before he continued. "I acted childishly and stubbornly, and I almost didn't get the chance to tell you ever again how much I love you because of that."

Ennis smiled down at Jack, just happy to be able to touch him. "You wouldn't be the Jack Twist I know and love, if you didn't have your artistic temperament." He kissed Jack deeply, enjoying the sudden heat that flared between them as always. After a few minutes, he pulled back, saving the rest for later, when Jack was released from the hospital and they were safe in their own bed. Plenty of time to rediscover each other, and celebrate their life together. 

All tragedy, real and imagined, far behind them.


End file.
